“The Heart Was Made To Be Broken”
- Oscar Wilde
I don’t think anyone will argue with me on this but breaking up with someone is the hardest thing one can do. I don’t know anyone who likes rejection or handles it well. But how well a break up will go depends on a lot of thing not least how you break up with the person. There is no one size fit all breakup plan so I’m not going to tell you that there is – I will however concede that there are DEFINITELY ways you should not break up with someone and these are a few of them. Unless you want to be branded a coward, bully or cheat take special heed of these ways not to call time on your relationship. My personal opinion is that you should always break-up with someone in person – I mean it is the very least you can do for the other person I mean you had to have very deep and strong feeling for them at some point you were in a relationship with them after all.
Don’t dump via text
You’re deluded if you think ending a relationship (whatever kind) by text (especially one written in text speak) is anything other than cruel. Imagine how disposable the recipient will feel when they realise you couldn’t even spare the time to type the words out in full. You’re basically just handing over plenty of ammunition to bad mouth you to your friends and associates.
Obviously when you get broken up by text message the knee jerk reaction is to send back some bat crack crazy assed psycho message about what a class A prick the guy had been but bite your tongue and don’t reply at all. Yes it will be hard but don’t give the asshole – who was too much of a crowd to break up with you in person the satisfaction of knowing he A) hurt you and B) got under your skin. Trust me that will drive him crazier than anything else. Also he won’t be able to bad mouth you to any friends you may or may not have had in common.
Don’t get caught cheating
Being careless enough to get caught with someone new shows a contemptible disregard for your current squeeze. Better break it off yourself and save them the visual.
Plan and simple this is one party’s attempt to stop themselves from feeling guilty about having to break up with you by making you break up with them.
Don’t pull a vanishing act
Unless you’re actively trying to disrespect your soon-to-be ex, slipping out the back door should not even be an option. Saying you’re ‘just popping out to get some milk’, never to be seen again is not only cowardly but morally reprehensible. Dealing with the pain of break-up is hard enough without the added anguish of not knowing why it came to an end.
To be honest it doesn’t really matter what the reason is for the break up as long as there is one. This would be one of the very few instances where I would encourage lying. I mean if you know the real reason as to the break up is going to really hurt the person you are breaking up with then I suggest give her some other line that is not ‘It’s not you it’s me!’ Most of the time a girl will just want a reason they don’t necessarily always care if the reason is truthful or not.
Don’t do it in front of friends
Humiliating your boyfriend or girlfriend by ending things in front of your mates is despicable behaviour. Save them the indignity of public disgrace and end things properly behind closed doors.
No matter how things have become you’ve got to remember at some point in time you really cared for this person and as a result of that they deserve to be treated with the respect and dignity not to be publicly humiliated. And while we are on the subject…..
Don’t get a friend to do it
Woah! Getting your mates to do your dirty work for you shows a severe lack of backbone. Expect to be called every name under the sun by the dumpee and to lose the respect of your close friends too. Surely that can’t be worth it. Just tell them yourself and maintain your good rep.
No one wants to break up your relationship for you – if you are big enough to be in a relationship you are big enough to end it too. Cop the fuck on!! This is very much a true case of ‘How to loss friends and Alienate people’
Don’t insist you’ll stay friends
Strong-arming someone into a friendship before they’ve had a chance to get over you is pure selfishness. No matter how much you might still want the other person in your life, the decision to stay friends or not isn’t yours to make. Let them achieve closure first.
I’m a firm believer there is only two ways you can remain friends with an ex after a relationship has come to an end. 1) Either you are still in love with them or 2) you never really loved them to begin with.
Don’t be a tool and turn what should be a private conversation between the two people concerned into a social media spectator sport. Your former loved one deserves more than to find out they’re newly single via your Facebook feed.
The same goes for all social media applications. You should not change your status without informing the person that the relationship is over first.
Don’t do it under the influence
A few drinks to help pluck up the courage to do the deed might seem like a good idea but turning up drunk to deliver your bad tidings is both disrespectful and dangerous. Alcohol is notorious for loosening the tongue so you’re far more likely to end up being overly honest, saying things you don’t mean, starting a fight and looking like a plonker. Better face the music sober.
Yes there is a thing such as too much information and being too honest.
Don’t make false promises
Pretending there’s a chance you might still get back together when you know in your heart that there isn’t is horribly patronising and needlessly misleading. You’re not softening the blow you’re just prolonging their misery so be brave and make a clean break.
Sometimes you have got to be a little cruel to be kind. I have long since been a believer in that you should never get back together with an ex. If it didn’t work out the first time I don’t believe it will work the second or third time. We grow as people but do we ever really change? Probably not. Sometimes the saddest part of an relationship is knowing that nothing you could have done could have saved your relationship. Sometimes it is just not the right person or the right time true but you can’t hold on to forever in the hope that the plants will align and things will become perfect. Sadly this isn’t a perfect world.
Don’t leave them a voicemail
Don’t add insult to injury by making them dial-in to be dumped and then endure the indignity of not quite being able to work out what you’re saying because of the crackly line. That’s just plain spineless.
You should never break up with someone over the phone and you most certainly should never leave them a voice mail doing it for you. End of Story!!!