Hey, White Liar
I was at a BBQ over the weekend with some friends and two of them have been dating for a while now and I thought everything was going really well until I actually spent some time with them and I realised all wasn’t well. In the space of a few hours I heard them say four of these relationship white lies to one another and honestly I can’t say I was all the surprised to hear that they had finally broken up this morning after a whole weekend of fighting but the truth of the matter they both had pretty much checked out of the relationship some time ago but neither of them was big enough to admit it instead hiding in the safety of being in a couple even if it was a bad relationship. I thought I would look at some of these warning white lies that might suggest your relationship is in trouble.
1. “I just need some space.”
Translates as: “I’m too much of a coward to break up with you properly.”
If your other half starts demanding space or worse suggests you start seeing other people, it means they’re looking for an exit strategy that enables them to gradually extricate themselves from the relationship without having to endure the awkward ‘break-up’ conversation. With the exception of Ross and Rachel from Friends, the odds of getting back together after a break are very low.
2. “Nothing’s wrong”
Translates as: “You should know what’s wrong without me having to tell you.”
Even though their words imply there’s nothing wrong, their tone and body language say otherwise. Their resentment and anger is directed at you because you haven’t already intuited what it is that’s upset them. This type of passive aggressive comment signals an underlying communication problem that needs addressing if the relationship is to succeed.
3. “It’s not my fault.”
Translates as: “It’s your fault.”
Laying blame at the foot of another is a classic symptom of relationship frustration. Failure to take responsibility for something that’s gone wrong or picking trivial fights is a way of venting their irritation or anger with you. It may even be employed to goad you into making the first move in starting an argument. Instead of taking the bait, it’s time to sit down and talk through what’s at the heart of the problem together.
4. “I’m going to be late.”
Translates as: “I’ve more important things to do.”
There was a time when your lover would take the time to plan out the perfect date night. Nowadays they turn up late, make lame excuses or worse – forget you even had plans together at all. They’re taking you for granted and as a result you’re slipping down their priority list. This is a warning sign that shouldn’t be ignored if you want your relationship to prosper. Tell them how you feel you’re being neglected and book in some quality time together that you’re both committed to no matter what else comes up.
5. “I don’t like you hanging out with them.”
Translates as: “I’m jealous.” Or “I don’t trust you”
Comments like this reveal your other half’s desire to control who you spend time with. They may try to convince you that they have your best interests at heart and you might find it flattering that they’re being so protective. But keep in mind that jealousy and possessiveness are usually destructive forces in a relationship. Addressing the root of the problem is crucial. While you should respect your partner for his/her opinions, it’s unwise to just accept them and stop seeing your friends without having an open discussion about the situation first.